


Taking Flight

by lonelysector23



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Ableism, Canon Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Comfort, Consensual Sex, Grief, Growing Up, Implied Casual Sex, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Isolation, Learning to make it on their own, Leaving Home, OC throughout the years, RIP Lord Woolsley, Reuniting with lost family, Shitty Family, implied loss of virginity, march madness 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-11-07 10:40:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 19,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17958938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelysector23/pseuds/lonelysector23
Summary: There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough.





	1. Candy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raphael is seven years old here, and Lily is four.

  _ **9:19 Dragon, Ostwick**_

* * *

Raphael and Lily peered around the corner and into the hall that led to the family sitting room, which was closed and locked.

“What are they talking about?” asked Lily, clutching Floofy close to her chest.

Raphael’s frown deepened. “I don’t know.” He was lying - he did know what the subject was.

Money.

It was what his parents always talked about whenever they visited their extended family, when they remembered he existed and decided to pick him up from his second home.

Or tried to, anyway.

He grabbed Lily’s hand and motioned for her to keep quiet as they crept down the hall, opposite of the direction of the arguing voices, towards the kitchen. A small bag of dried, candied fruit was resting on a table next to the head cook, who was completely distracted by some kind of stew simmering away on the stove.

He sneaked it away easily enough, and he and Lily were soon rushing into his uncle’s study. His parents had never looked for him in there before - hopefully they wouldn’t start anytime soon. He poured the bag of candy out onto the floor, and separated the cherries for Lily.

Lily pushed them back towards him, and he looked up at her, surprised. “But you like those.”

She looked at him with a sheepish look on her face. “I’m sorry I threw a pillow at your face.”

Raphael frowned as he tried to figure out what she was talking about. “When did you do that?”

“At night. Your nose was making loud noises again,” she complained.

He didn’t remember getting hit with anything, but the extra pillow he woke up with that morning while sleeping in the sitting room made sense now. He merely shrugged as he gathered half of the cherries and set them in front of her.

“It’s okay. But this means I get to pick the next book first,” he grinned.

Lily huffed as she put a cherry in her mouth. “Fine.”

They both froze when angry voices sounded from down the hall. After a beat of silence and some muffled footsteps, his father pushed open the door, his stormy gaze quickly settling on him.

“Get up. We’re leaving,” his eyes slid to Lily, who clutched her bear tighter in response.  

Raphael gave Lily a small smile before reluctantly standing and following his father out of the room. He slowed when the man strode out the front door, and stopped in front of Aunt Edith and Uncle Nicholas when they reached for him.

“We will be visiting you soon, son,” said his uncle, placing his hands on his shoulders. “In the meantime, you know you can come here whenever you like.”

“Take care, darling. We’ll see you in a few days." His aunt bent to kiss the top of Raphael’s head.  "We love you.”

Raphael nodded slowly, not wanting to go back home. He felt a light tug on his sleeve and looked down to find Lily holding the bag of candy out for him with a small smile.

“You almost forgot your cherries.”


	2. Fire

 

_**9:23 Dragon, Ostwick** _

* * *

Shuddering breaths left Raphael’s chest even though the tears he had been shedding were now completely dry on his cheeks. He never once looked away from his right hand, even when the healer had applied a cooling salve to the angry, blistered skin.

He couldn’t understand what had happened. Where did the fire come from? Was Lily hurt, too?

_“...full recovery, light to moderate scarring…”_

He flinched when he heard his father’s sharp voice hiss something at the woman who had bandaged his hand.

Loud, muffled sobbing sounded throughout the house. It sounded like Aunt Edith. Where was she? Why didn’t his mother let her see him earlier?

He hopped down from the table the healer had set him on and pushed open the door. The cries were louder now. His chin trembled as he realized it was his aunt somewhere in the other side of the house.

“Where do you think you’re going?” His mother grabbed his arm and yanked him to her side.

“I want to see my aunt and uncle, where -”

“Forget it,” she snapped as she dragged him outside, giving him a light shove towards the open door of their carriage. “Get inside.”

“But - ”

“ _Now._ ”

The carriage door slammed shut the moment he climbed inside. He stared at the floor as he tried to piece everything together, but couldn’t. His hand tingled - hot or cold, or a mix of the two, he couldn’t tell.

His mother and father stepped into the carriage a few minutes later.

“Where’s Lily? Is she - ”

His mother merely scoffed before his father answered him, not even glancing his way as he signaled the carriage to move forward. 

“That girl has been taken to a place where she will never damage anything or anyone ever again.”

Raphael stared at his bandaged hand for a moment before turning to look back at the place he considered to be his home, just moments before it disappeared from his view.


	3. Whisper

 

**_9:23 Dragon, Ostwick_**

* * *

_“…this has nearly cost us everything…”_

Raphael strained to hear the hushed murmurs coming from his father’s study.

_“…a blasted mage within our family. Of all things…”_

_“…leave it to them to put us in this situation in the first place…”_

He looked down at his scarred hand. It had been a few months since Lily had hurt him. Whatever anger he had felt towards her lessened as his hand slowly healed, and was replaced by worry and confusion.

There had been no word from his aunt and uncle since he last saw them, and he missed them, including Lily. It wasn’t like them to be so distant.

So far, his parents had not allowed him to leave the house alone, even if it was just to go out into the fields to be with the horses. He found their suffocating attention odd, especially since they never really cared where he went as long as he left them alone.

There was a sound of a drawer sliding shut before his mother’s muffled voice came through.

_“…been taken care of. The Circle will deal with her now…”_

_“…cut ties. They were never much use, anyway.”_

His father’s voice got louder as he walked closer to the door and Raphael quickly backed away, quietly heading in the direction of his bedroom. It was the only refuge he had in this stupid house, free from the watchful eyes of his parents.

He had been hoping his eavesdropping was going to pay off this time. They refused to tell him anything about his aunt and uncle, or where exactly Lily was taken to.

The people he loved and considered family were gone, and he was alone.

He felt helpless.


	4. Arrow

 

**_9:24 Dragon, Ostwick_**

* * *

 An arrow flew into the air, streaking past the tree trunk that was supposed to have been its mark. Raphael sighed as he unsheathed another arrow from the quiver at his hip.

The fact that he was improving with every practice session was enough to encourage him to keep at it, even though he was sure he’d be able to concentrate more if his father’s guards weren’t around.

They weren’t so bad, really. Some of them had given him freedom to go into the small forest behind the estate to practice alone or to simply get some fresh air when he couldn’t stand being inside the house anymore.

His parent’s _still_ wouldn’t let him leave the house by himself, and he _still_ hadn’t heard from his aunt and uncle. He wasn’t sure what to make of the situation, but he was smart enough to know that his parents had something to do with it.

He just hoped they were okay and that they have been in touch with Lily, even if he wasn’t able to.

He was about to let another arrow fly just as a squirrel ran around the tree and scurried up the trunk, close to where he had been trying to aim. He jerked the bow at the last second, shooting it at the ground instead.

Hunting animals was something he refused to do, despite his father’s encouragement. There was no point in it, not when the kitchen’s pantry was full.

Aside from that, he would not allow his father to ruin one of the few things he had found joy in.

The squirrel climbed further up into the branches, easily leaping down from a low branch with a small mandarin in its mouth a few minutes later. Its bushy tail twitched as it looked in Raphael’s direction.

It wasn’t until the little guy ran further into the trees with its meal that Raphael raised his bow again and fired his third arrow, this time striking the dead center of the tree’s trunk.


	5. Greed

 

**_9:25 Dragon, Ostwick_**

* * *

 The news hadn’t really sunk in yet, despite having received it almost a week ago.

Raphael glared at the closed door of his father’s study, ignoring the chatter around him. The man that had stepped into the estate that morning had a face like stone, almost seeming bored at the idea of having to deal with what was probably his fourth client that day.

To that man, the news meant it was just another day on the job.

To his father, the news meant it was just another business deal.

To Raphael, the news meant the only people who loved and cared for him as if he was their own son were gone.

He couldn’t understand how people could be so indifferent to death, especially after it takes away members of their own family. His parents had only focused on what they could gain instead of what they had lost. The official looking document he had found while rummaging through his father’s study had told him as such.

The place he had thought of as home, the place where he had been truly happy, had fallen into the waiting hands of his parents, Ediam and Aurora Trevelyan.

He wondered if Lily even knew.

“Are you _still_ moping about them?”

Raphael ignored Catherine’s question. He wished he could take advantage of the sudden freedom he was apparently granted after the news of his aunt and uncle’s passing had reached the estate’s doorstep. Catherine’s annoying presence was something he usually tried to avoid, but he didn’t want to risk missing anything important.

“I’ll never understand why. Just look at what their stupid daughter did to that hand of yours.”

Anger flashed through him at her words, but he bit back the retort that would no doubt end with him getting into trouble. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction, and he sure as hell didn’t owe her any explanations.

Instead, he focused on where he would be going that night, long after everyone was asleep.


	6. Shadows

 

**_9:25 Dragon, Ostwick_**

* * *

It was past midnight when Raphael sneaked out through their yard. After a quick climb over their iron fence, he had stuck to the shadows of the darkened streets, avoiding any light source that might give away his presence to anyone walking around.

He caught a glimpse of the familiar front yard some time later, the same yard he hadn’t seen in almost two years. The flowers that were so lovingly taken care of by his aunt were gone, replaced by overgrown weeds and grass. It was dark inside, almost hollow.

Movement caught his eye just as he was about to take a step forward. There were a few guards stationed around the empty home, looking almost bored. Raphael sneaked past them easily enough, and managed to silently push open an isolated window before carefully easing himself inside, into a dark hallway.

The heavy silence was suffocating. It was a stark contrast to how cheerful and full of life it used to be, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle being inside very long. The feeling of loss hadn’t really settled in, but being here, in the empty shell of what his true home used to be, made it final.

He never even got to say goodbye. To any of them.

Part of him wanted to leave and never come back, but he needed to look around first. He crept silently down the darkened halls, looking into each room, only to find them mostly empty with the exception of some furniture and a few random things littered on the floor.

The old wine stain he had made on the sitting room rug was still there. He had been expecting his aunt and uncle to be furious, but instead they just made him promise he wouldn’t try the wine again until he was of age. His chest tightened and he wiped his eyes with his sleeve as he left the room.

He walked down the hall and opened the door to what he remembered to be his aunt and uncle’s bedroom.

It was completely empty.

He knew it would be, yet he still felt disappointment wash over him. Tears welled in his eyes again and he turned away from the room, catching sight of moonlight shining through an open door on the other end of the hall.

Lily’s bedroom.

Most of her things were gone, too. A few books were scattered on the floor, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at them. He was about to leave when he noticed something peeking out from under the bed and he walked toward it slowly in case it was an animal.

He reached for it when it didn’t move and nearly yanked his hand back upon feeling something furry and soft, but hesitated as he looked at it closely and picked it up, only to find an old stuffed bear looking up at him.


	7. Fork

 

**_9:30 Dragon, Ostwick_  
**

* * *

Raphael tugged at the snug collar of his coat, ignoring his mother when she hissed at him to stop. He was far too uncomfortable to give a damn about any ridiculous etiquette rules.

He had planned to spend the afternoon practicing his archery. His father had summoned him just as he had been about to fire his first arrow, and ordered him to get cleaned up and dressed to attend another formal dinner with another noble’s family he didn’t bother learning the name of.

Turning eighteen had apparently meant he was old enough to start attending grown up dinners, where everyone did nothing but talk about the political climate and gossip about other nobles that they also considered to be “dear friends.” They were happening quite often, much to his annoyance and it had been near impossible to get out of going to them in the first place.

He moved a small piece of roasted pork around the mostly untouched food on his plate with his fork, wanting nothing more than to leave the room.

“Now that you are of age, what do you plan to do, boy?”

Raphael turned his gaze towards the fat noble whose name he didn’t know. He had been about to reply when his father began to speak.

“He is interested in a career within the chantry,” he said, ignoring Raphael’s tense expression. “Following our family’s tradition seems to be the most appropriate action, considering there hasn’t been a suitable match for him so far.”

Raphael clenched his jaw. His father knew he had no interest in serving the chantry or finding what was considered to be a “suitable match” but it didn’t seem to matter.

The noble was about to reply when a servant spilled a little wine on the table cloth while trying to refill his goblet.

“Stupid boy! Get that cleaned up, _now_!” he barked, as the young man’s face drained of color.

He frantically mopped up the wine with a cloth, apologizing repeatedly as the red faced noble watched him work.

Raphael was tense as he glanced around the table. Most of the people there where glaring at the terrified boy with disapproval, with his father being one of them. His mother merely sipped at the disgusting, bitter wine that had been served throughout the evening.

In that moment, he came to terms with something he had known deep down the whole time.

This was _not_ a life he wanted for himself.


	8. Favor

 

**_9:33 Dragon, Ostwick_**

* * *

The plan had been to head into the central market for a new bow. That was all. **  
**

The one Raphael had since he was twelve had been starting to get worn out, and he had been reluctant to replace it. He had been mending the mild splitting along the upper and lower limbs throughout the years, but when the string notch finally snapped off during practice one afternoon, he was left with no choice.

One of the estate’s cooks had spotted him as he was about to leave early that morning and quietly asked him if he could do him a favor. He had been sick for a few days, and hadn’t been able to catch up on his baking.

That was why Raphael was now slowly walking towards the small bakery in the distance. It wasn’t as crowded as he had been expecting it to be, considering the early hours and he stepped inside just as an elderly couple was leaving.

He was rooted to the spot when he met the eyes of a young woman he had seen around the market before. They had never once spoken, but the smiles she had given him every time they saw each other had left him a blushing mess.

It was the same smile she was giving him now, as he dumbly stared back at her before managing to gather his bearings. He gave her a morning greeting and was relieved when he managed to give her the cook’s order without stammering through the conversation.

“Well, Raphael, you’re in luck. My grandmother just got these out of the oven a few minutes ago,” she said as she placed the loaves of bread into his bag and handed it over to him.

Heat seeped into his face when his fingers accidentally brushed the side of her hand, but it was nothing compared to the surprise he felt. “You… know my name?”

“Of course,” she grinned. “Most people in Oswick are familiar with the Trevelyan name, after all.”

A small wave of disappoint came over him. “Right. Uh - ” he briefly turned his gaze towards the street and froze when he spotted his father in the distance, looking in their direction. “I’m sorry, I - I have to go.”


	9. Mask

 

**_9:33 Dragon, Ostwick_ **

* * *

 Something was wrong.

Raphael knew it the moment he had gone back to the bakery a few days later to apologize to the young woman for having left in such a hurry.

He hadn’t expected for her to rush into the bakery the moment she spotted him walking towards her, and he definitely did not expect the old woman who he assumed to be her grandmother hurry outside to beg him to leave them alone and to not come back. She had ignored him when he asked her what was wrong and slammed the door in his face.

His father had never mentioned seeing him talking to the young woman in the bakery in the days that had followed, but the constant dread in Raphael’s stomach had never lessened.

Now he knew why.

He rode his horse as fast as he could back to the estate and ignored Catherine’s protest when he bumped into her on his way up to his father’s study. He pushed open the door and barged in, not caring that he wasn’t allowed in there unless he was summoned or that he was in a middle of a conversation with his mother.

His father narrowed his eyes at him and spoke before Raphael could even open his mouth.

“I need to speak with you,” he said as he leaned back in his oversized leather chair. “After _much_ searching, we have found a match. Adelyn, the daughter of Lord Barnett has agreed to a union with you.”

Raphael’s blood ran cold as he thought of the old woman and her granddaughter. His father’s words confirmed everything. “What did you do?”

His father’s gaze turned hard despite his expressionless mask.

_“What did you do?”_

“I have secured our family’s well-being. This marriage will bring us wealth and the political gain we lost a few years ago.”

Raphael glared at him. “You already took everything my aunt and uncle had - probably even their lives. Was that not enough for you?”

“They died because they were weak.”

Whatever ice had been in Raphael’s veins was replaced by white-hot rage. “They died because we abandoned them after their only daughter was taken away!”

His father stared at him, his smooth expression turning into a sneer. “The same daughter who damaged you. Do you have any idea how difficult it has been to obtain any kind of union for you because of that? That brat almost ruined us.”

Raphael’s entire body was pulsing in anger. “I’m not marrying that woman.”

His father rose from his chair, slowly making his way around the desk until he was face to face with him. “I am your father, and as long as you bear the Trevelyan name, you will do as you are told.”

“Uncle Nicholas was more of a father than you will ever be.”

Raphael only registered what had happened after he felt a sharp stinging on his cheek and the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth.

Ediam stepped closer to him, his voice quiet when he spoke. “Don’t _ever_ compare me to that weak excuse of a man.” He stepped around Raphael and walked out of the room.

“You have no one to blame but yourself. All we ask of you is to do as you are told, and you cannot even do that,” said Aurora, voice impassive as ever.

Raphael spit his own blood on the floor before he strode out of the room, not giving her a glance.

These people were not his family. They never were.

They were his fucking enemy.


	10. Goodbye

 

**_9:33 Dragon, Ostwick_**

* * *

 The estate carried on as it always did in the days that had followed, as if Ediam’s sudden, violent nature had never made itself known.

Raphael set his quill down with a wince and looked down at his right hand, where a few spots on his knuckles were mildly bruised and scabbed over. The bookcase in his bedroom had received his onslaught after he had left the study. It had been a single punch, but it had been strong enough to slightly splinter the wood.

The relief he had felt after unleashing his fury had been brief. It didn’t make the anger leave him, it didn’t fix any problems, and now he had a hurt hand along with damaged wood to show for it.

That behavior belonged to the man he once called his father, not him.

He looked over the formal letter he had just written, the letter that officially declared his renouncement of his noble title, along with any ties to the Trevelyan family and sealed it with wax before tucking it into his coat. He set another piece of parchment in front of him, this time writing a short note that got right to the point and glanced towards his window.

The sky was completely dark and the estate had been quiet for a while. It was time.

Ediam and Aurora had taken his quiet and subdued nature as a sign of submission and compliance. What they didn’t know was that it had been part of Raphael’s plan.

They had no idea he would be leaving that night, that most of the things that mattered to him, along with some rations he had managed to sneak away from the kitchens, had been packed in a bag and hidden away in the darkness underneath his bed for a few days.

He set the bag on his bed and looked through it for the fifth time that night. A new bow, a full quiver of arrows, a few changes of clothes, some rations and an old stuffed bear were safely packed inside and ready for a journey he had no idea where it would take him, but he’d rather head into the unknown than stay another day in this forsaken place.

His steps were light as he walked through the estate’s halls and into the courtyard, easily avoiding the guards stationed at their usual posts. He quietly made his way towards the secluded stables after making sure no one was around and mounted his horse, gently urging her forward before riding off into the night.


	11. Disguise

 

**_9:33 Dragon, Ostwick_**

* * *

Raphael rarely prayed to the Maker, but he found himself doing so as he raced his mare through the side roads, right towards Ostwick’s pier.

The short detour to the Teyrn’s homestead to deliver his letter had cost him precious time, but the idea of using one of Ediam’s ravens had been out of the question. Doing so would’ve been too risky since the guards used the small rookery to relax during boring shifts.

A smirk tugged at his mouth despite his increasing fear as he imagined the chaos that would erupt in the morning when everyone realized he had left.

If only he’d be there to see it all unfold.

The brief satisfaction turned into worry when he thought of the old woman and her granddaughter. He had briefly thought about stopping by to leave them a note, apologizing for ever putting them in danger and for whatever it was that Ediam had done, but ultimately decided against it. It would have probably done more harm than good.

He just hoped they would be safe.

He eased his horse into a light trot as a ship’s sail came into view. Leaving the Free Marches altogether was his best bet at avoiding being found by the people he was running away from. He doubted they’d have much power to do anything, though - especially since he had delivered his letter to the Teyrn’s guards himself.

His horse snorted softly as he guided her to a full stop and he took the moment to tug on the hood of his coat. He doubted anyone would recognize him - the bruise that was still apparent on his cheek was something no one would expect a noble to have, along with the worn training leathers he had chosen to wear.

The brief curiosity that had appeared in the captain’s eyes as Raphael asked for passage on his ship had left him tense. He knew he must have looked suspicious, perhaps even as some sort of an escaped criminal, but his fears were eased when the captain agreed to take him and his horse across the Waking Sea, towards Amaranthine.

The fear returned when the captain mentioned they would be sailing in two hours.

Luckily, Raphael had enough coin on him to convince the man to set sail in one.

It had been the longest hour of his life, but the ship was soon boarded and departed from the docks. The sense of loss he had felt since he was a child got heavier as he watched the shores of Ostwick slowly fade in the distance. The large bag that contained his few belongings, along with an old bear, felt heavier on his shoulder as he did his best to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over.

He silently hoped that Lily was okay, wherever she was.

“Are you alright, son?”

Raphael quickly wiped his eyes before turning to look at the ship’s captain, who was looking at him with genuine concern and nodded.

“I’m just not used to sea travel,” he replied, turning away from the place that used to be his home. “I’ll be fine, though.”


	12. Earth

 

_**9:33 Dragon, Amaranthine**_

* * *

It had rained during his first few nights in Amaranthine. Raphael wasn’t sure if it was a bad omen or not.

He had only planned to stay overnight at a small inn that was farthest from the docks, but ended up staying almost a week when he realized he had no idea what he was going to do. The coin he had brought with him wouldn’t last long - he needed to find some kind of work soon.

Leaving the room he had been staying in had been difficult. He almost expected to see Ediam’s guards waiting outside for him whenever he had to leave on an errand and he had to repeatedly remind himself that it was unlikely anyone would be looking for him.

But still, the fear didn’t leave.

Letting it take over was not an option. He’d never get anywhere if he allowed it to.

So instead, he pulled on his hood before stepping out into the light sprinkle of rain and decided to walk around the town. He took mental notes of any important shops he would probably need to visit for supplies during his stay and then went out to explore the outskirts of the lush forest surrounding the area.

The foliage was different here. Every bush and tree had varying shades of rich green, and the scent of damp earth surrounded him as he took quiet steps along the soft ground. He placed his hand on the trunk of a large tree, feeling the softness of the moss under his fingertips as he listened to the quiet chirping of insects and birds. Everything around him felt more alive than the forest he had spent so much time in back in Ostwick.

He liked this much better.

A small rustling sound came from somewhere overhead, and he looked up to find a raven peering down at him. They looked at each other for a moment before it gave a soft caw and flew towards the town and out of sight. He stayed there a little while longer, deeply breathing in the cool, damp air before walking back to the inn.

“Hey there, Liam.”

Raphael almost didn’t react to the greeting until he suddenly remembered the fake name he had given the inn’s owner, who was putting away a few tankards behind the counter.

 _Well, here goes nothing,_ thought Raphael as he greeted the man with a nod and walked towards him.

“Something I can do for ya?”

Raphael nodded as he sat on the edge of an empty stool. “I was wondering - do you know of any places around here that might be hiring?”

“Well, we’re actually looking for a cook. Do you have any experience?”

Raphael sighed and shook his head.

“Do you know how to hunt?”

“I’m good with a bow,” Raphael replied tentatively.

“Good enough. We also need someone to help clean out the stables out back and put in fresh hay for the horses passing through.” The man looked at him for a moment before reaching for another tankard. “I’ll tell you what, do that work for me, bring me whatever rabbits or deer you can find, and you can have the room you’ve been staying in for the time being. I’m guessing you’re going to want to get going to somewhere else eventually, right?”

Raphael gave the man a grateful smile and nodded.

The sooner he put more distance between him and the shore, the better.


	13. Learn

 

**_9:33 Dragon, The Coastlands_**

* * *

Word of a Trevelyan search party had never spread through Amaranthine, but Raphael sure as hell wasn’t going to take any chances.

He had left the moment he had saved up a decent amount of coin and decided to slowly make his way to Denerim. After about a week of travel, he found himself working at a large farm when his supplies were beginning to run out.

The old farmer had been kind to him, even after noticing his hesitation to share any information about himself when he had asked where he was from. Raphael had felt comfortable enough to tell him he had recently left Amaranthine, but was reluctant to tell him anything else.

He figured it was safer for the farmer and his wife in case someone from Ostwick eventually came by.

The farmer had never once pried, despite his obvious curiosity and proceeded to show Raphael around the farm. Tending the horses, cleaning out their stables, and helping the farmer harvest his grain and vegetables had sounded simple enough, but when the farmer led him to a large corral with seven enormous druffalos… well, that was another matter entirely.

Raphael’s wariness at having to milk them every morning had caused the farmer to chuckle. _No need to worry,_ he had said as he lovingly petted the side of a grazing druffalo. _They’re as gentle as a happy nug._

Although the farmer and his wife had been very welcoming, Raphael didn’t want to intrude any more than he already was. He had chosen to stay in the small storage shed despite them inviting him to stay in their home, and had also turned them down whenever they invited him inside for meals.

The inn’s owner back in Amaranthine had taught him how to prepare the game he had caught, so Raphael had chosen to hunt in the woods around the farm. Hunting was a skill he was beginning to perfect, but unfortunately for him, cooking hadn’t been going as smoothly.

He looked down at the charred rabbit he had tried to cook, along with the gray mush he had prepared from the grain the farmer had insisted he keep.

_Well, fuck._

He had been overcooking everything he had tried to make since his rations ran out, thinking it would be better than risking an illness from eating anything that was undercooked or raw.

It was a miracle he wasn’t dead yet.

There was a knock on the shed door before it creaked open, and Raphael didn’t even have time to hide his awful creations before the farmer stepped inside.

“Maker’s balls, lad, what in the void are you _eating_?” he asked, as he stood there in shock, holding a loaf of bread in his arms.

The horrified expression on the man’s face was something Raphael would have probably laughed at if he wasn’t so focused on the scent of freshly baked bread that had filled the small room. It smelled _much_ better than what he had tried to make.

He looked back at the burnt rabbit and bowl of gray slop that sadly rested on the table and sighed. “I’m... not so sure anymore.”

“Come _here_ ,” demanded the farmer, as he grabbed Raphael by the arm and pulled him out of the shed and towards his home. “Had I known that’s what you’ve been choking down these past few days, I would have dragged you inside by the ear long ago.”

“I - I just didn’t want to inconvenience you,” said Raphael, as he tried to keep up with the man’s quick strides.

“Nonsense,” the farmer waved Raphael's protests away, nearly hitting him in the face with the loaf of bread. “If you insist on feeding yourself, you should at least learn how to do it correctly.”

He dragged Raphael through the sitting room, where the farmer’s wife was watching in amusement, and into a small kitchen.

“Now, wash your hands, go grab a couple of eggs from that basket over there, and do as I say.”


	14. Pieces

 

**_9:34 Dragon, Denerim_**

* * *

 “It’s the twenty-third of Harvestmere, you tit!”

Raphael hesitated as he wiped a table down, his brows rising in surprise as he overheard the small bit of conversation between two arguing patrons.

His nameday had came and went, and he never even noticed.

It had been hard to keep up with dates since he had left Ostwick, and after several months, he didn’t bother trying anymore. He shrugged to himself and quickly tried to finish his work so he could run a few errands in Denerim’s market before turning in for the night.

His nameday hadn’t meant much to him for a while now, ever since he last celebrated his eleventh with the family he tried not to think about too often. He sighed as he thought back to the “surprise” cake his aunt had always made for him. Almost half of it had ended up smeared on the table and on his face after Lily pushed his head into it, and another piece had ended up smushed in her hair when he had tried to get back at her. The memory of his aunt and uncle’s unimpressed faces almost made him laugh.

It still hurt to think about them, and he suspected the pain would never really go away.

He gave the table a few more swipes before walking around the tavern’s counter and tossed the dirty rag into a small bin. The barkeep smiled as he dismissed Raphael with a nod, leaving him free for the rest of the night.

The air was cool and pleasant against his skin when he stepped out of the stuffy building. There had been a time when he would have worn his coat and hood whenever he went outside, but as time had passed, the need to do so had gradually lessened.

It was unlikely that Ediam would be looking for him now. He and Aurora were probably trying to figure out how to salvage whatever meager pieces were left of the Trevelyan name after Raphael had shattered it in his wake.

He couldn’t bring himself to care.

Ever since he had arrived in Denerim months ago, he found himself feeling free and happy for the first time in years, enough so that he began to walk around the city just for the fun of it, to explore his new surroundings without the constant worry of having watchful eyes on his back all the time.

His life had definitely changed, and so far, it had been for the better.

After buying some new arrows and a couple of injury kits, he decided to walk the long way back to the tavern, but came to a stop when he caught sight of a large, dark cloak out on display in front of a clothing stall. He stepped closer and swept his fingers along the edge of the hood, which was trimmed with black wolf fur. The fabric was sturdy and thick, perfect for keeping warm during his travels.

An old woman peeked her head out from behind a stacked pile of coats. “Hi, there! Care to try it on?”

Raphael smiled at her and nodded.

The cloak was surprisingly light, despite the thick fabric. He stood still as the woman adjusted it on his shoulders and fastened the metal clasps at his neck, all while standing on the tallest stool she had.

“There,” she smiled. “How’s it feel? Not too heavy?”

“It’s perfect,” replied Raphael, as he looked down at the cloak’s hem. It hung a few inches above the ankle of his boot, and he felt lucky to have finally found one that was a decent length for his height.

The woman patted his shoulders in satisfaction and tried to climb down from the stool. She chuckled when he reached out to help her.

“Handsome _and_ a gentleman,” she grinned, as she walked around her stall. “Such a rarity these days.”

Raphael huffed a small laugh as he handed over the coin she requested. He thanked her and wished her a good evening before making his way back to the tavern.

He smoothed his hand over the fabric again.

 _Yes_ , he thought. _Things were slowly, but definitely, looking up._


	15. Close

 

**_9:36 Dragon, Denerim_  
**

* * *

Having any sort of... _relationship_ was something Raphael had assumed he’d never have. He had never allowed himself to even consider the idea while he was in Ostwick, or even soon after he left. The fear of putting anyone in danger had been too great at the time.

It had taken a while for him to be comfortable with the idea of letting himself be close to someone in that way, and even then, he had been reluctant to go any further than the kisses and soft touches he found himself wanting more of when he was alone, with himself in his hand.

No, the kiss he was currently sharing with the young woman who was brushing her tongue against his lower lip and running her fingers through his hair was definitely not his first, but it _was_ the first kiss he found himself enjoying completely, free from the worry of someone possibly spotting him and reporting back to the people he had abandoned a few years ago.

He bit back a groan as Ava kissed along his jaw and down the length of his neck.

They were hidden in the shadows next to her home, covered by the night and completely out of sight from anyone walking by, but that didn’t mean he wanted anyone else to be aware of what was going on.

His hands tightened around her waist and he gently pulled her even closer, only for him to tense against her when he felt her thigh press against his hips. His trousers had already felt uncomfortable, but it had been nothing compared to the tight discomfort he felt now.

He felt her hesitate against him before she leaned back to look up at him. She looked concerned, despite her flushed face and darkened eyes. “Are you alright?”

“I - ” he stammered before taking a deep breath and nodded.

Ava didn’t seem to believe him as she took a small step away from him, almost as if giving him space. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Raphael took a breath and looked down at her hand, which was loosely held in his own.

_Fuck, this was embarrassing._

“It - It’s not that,” he said, as he met her gaze. His face grew even hotter. “I’ve just never…”

“Had occasion?” she offered, slightly raising a brow.

He nodded with a sigh and released her hand before taking a step back from her, suddenly feeling very unsure about himself. “I understand, if you don’t want…”

The warmth of her hand enveloped his own and he looked down at her, surprised and relieved when he didn’t see any trace of the judgment he had heard others talk about.

The blush on her face seemed to grow darker as she met his gaze. “Well, I would very much like to continue, but _only_ if you want to.”

Raphael loosened a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, feeling as his heart began to beat a little faster. He _did_ want to - he _did_ want to be with her, even if it was just for tonight.

“I do,” he murmured, as he lightly entwined his fingers with hers and took a step closer. “But… you’re sure?”

He wanted to kick himself.

Ava chuckled softly, not seeming to mind his awkwardness. “I am. Are _you_?” she teased him with a grin, already knowing his answer as she closed the small distance between them with a single step, their noses almost touching.

He gave a small huff of laughter and brushed the tip of his nose against her own. “ _Yes_ ,” he murmured, before pressing his lips to hers.

He smiled against her lips and wrapped his hands around her waist when she grasped the front of his coat and guided him to her front door. The kiss deepened as she gently tugged him inside her home, and he blindly reached behind him and pushed the door closed.


	16. Heavy

 

**_9:37 Dragon, South Reach_**

* * *

There had been tension in the air when Raphael awoke early that morning. He wasn’t sure what the cause was, but he shrugged it off as he went through his morning routine before heading downstairs.

The sun was barely illuminating the sky as he stepped out of the tavern and locked the door behind him. It was well before opening hours, but he still needed to find some deer to bring back and prepare so the kitchen would be fully stocked for the usual patrons.

He had tried to give the idea of a hunting party a chance soon after he had arrived in South Reach, but after a disastrous experience that had almost ended with him getting sliced open by a panicked hunter who had almost lost his foot, he decided to continue hunting on his own.

It was better that way - he was faster, quieter, less likely to scare off animals, and most importantly, less likely to get gutted by another clumsy hunter when it was just him and his bow.

A decent sized deer was draped across his shoulders and a couple of rabbits hung from his belt a few hours later. It was still early enough that there weren’t many people walking around the town yet, but the heavy feeling he had felt that morning was still present. He tried to brush it aside as he walked into the tavern’s kitchen and carefully set down the game he had caught on a large table.

He was starting to feel uneasy.

It wasn’t until later that evening that he finally learned what was going on, while he was cleaning up after a particularly messy and drunken man had left for the night.

“...Kirkwall's chantry was _obliterated_ \- completely blown to bits!”

Raphael had his fair share of overheard conversations, but none had ever mentioned anything like _this_.

“Word is a mage did it,” came a hushed whisper from behind him. “I told you - you’re a blasted dimwit for ever thinking something like this wouldn’t happen!”

“But _how?_ I thought the Knight-Commander - ”

“She was insane,” hissed another voice. “She tried to have all the mages exterminated after that, and now she’s dead. Her own men turned against her.”

“That’s not all,” said a man as he lowered his voice. “There are rumors of rebelling Circles - not just in the Free Marches, but all throughout Thedas,” he sighed. “Maker help us.”

The heavy feeling that had been lingering in the air throughout the day suddenly dropped into Raphael’s stomach.

He never learned where Lily had been taken to.

What if she was in Kirkwall’s Circle?

“You alright there, lad?”

Raphael glanced next to him to find a few men from the hunting group he had been a part of settling down at a table. Their faces were tense and pale, almost as if they had overheard the same conversation.

“The usual?’ asked Raphael, ignoring the man’s question.

He nodded before turning to the other men with a sigh.

Raphael approached their table a few minutes later, holding a couple of tankards in his hands.

“...poor sods. Could you imagine what the chantry will do to them after something like that?”

“Who cares about _them_?” whispered the man who had almost slashed Raphael with his knife. “What about _us_? If the rumors are true, no one is safe now, not with those abominations - ”

“Do you think that of _all_ mages?” Raphael narrowed his eyes as he firmly set down the tankards on the table.

The man’s eyes widened as he looked up at him.

“Because from what I remember, you weren’t exactly complaining when a mage healed you after you got caught in one of your own snares,” he snapped.

Stunned silence swept over the table as Raphael waited for the red-faced and sputtering man to answer. He only turned and left when the barkeep called his name from the kitchen.

The anger he had felt through the night was slowly replaced by worry and helplessness when he had retired to his room, as he thought about what was rumored to be happening throughout the lands.

He opened his bag, hesitating at the sight of Lily’s old bear and pulled out a couple of sheets of folded up parchment before he began to write to every Circle he could possibly think of.


	17. Pray

 

_**9:38 Dragon, South Reach**_ **  
**

* * *

Raphael placed his bag on the counter as he waited for the barkeep to finish speaking to a group of men outside of the tavern. He recognized a few of the voices from the hunting group he had been a part of many months ago, the same one he had snapped at after hearing about the disaster in Kirkwall.

He hadn’t regretted it then, but the twinge of guilt that had settled in his chest had been hard to shake off whenever he noticed the men giving him a wide berth after that.

At least he’d be leaving soon.

The many letters he had sent had gone unanswered, and after three months of waiting, he decided to leave South Reach in case anyone recognized his name and decided to come looking for him.

It felt as if the only thing he could do was send prayers to the Maker for Lily’s safety. He _hated_ feeling so helpless, and he hated having to put his faith in an entity that had seemed to have abandoned them all a long time ago.

He decided to check his bag for the third time that day to try to distract himself, even though he knew everything he owned was already packed. Just as he was about to fasten the bag shut, the barkeep spoke up right next to him, causing him to almost jump a foot in the air.

“I didn’t know you had a child,” he commented.

Raphael was confused for a moment before he realized the man was referring to Lily’s bear, which was peeking out from behind his bow. He tied the bag shut, hefting it onto his shoulder. “A sister.”

“Ah,” the man nodded, as he walked around the counter. He pulled out a pouch of coin. “Well, here’s your pay. It’s a shame you’re leaving - now I’ll have to rely on the dope who nearly sliced you up to bring in the catches every morning.”

Raphael looked at him for a moment, shifting the bag higher up his shoulder. “Accidents happen. That doesn’t mean he’s a bad hunter.”

“I guess.” The barkeep nodded with a sigh before leaning on the counter. “Well, a word of advice - avoid Lothering. The place is a wasteland. You won’t find anything there except graves and ruins.”

Raphael nodded and bid the man farewell before stepping out of the tavern he had been working in for almost a year. The melancholy he was starting to feel whenever he left a another town had him wondering if he would ever find a place that made him comfortable enough to want to stay in for the long term.

It was too soon to say, he supposed.

He pulled out an apple from his coat pocket as he approached his trusted mare. She immediately sniffed at the fruit in his gloved hand and he smiled as she began to munch on it. “Hey, girl.”

He guided her away from the stables when she was done eating and hoisted himself up onto her back, adjusting his cloak around him before leading her towards the main road.

“Alright, buddy,” he sighed, giving her a gentle pat on the side of her neck. “Let’s see where we end up next.”


	18. Ash

 

**_9:40 Dragon, Redcliffe_**

* * *

Staying in any place or town for an extended period of time was something Raphael rarely did. He’d stick around for a few weeks at least, or a year at most.

He never once thought he’d be staying in a large town called Redcliffe for almost two.

While he liked the town well enough, he didn’t exactly have much of a choice in the matter. He knew there was no way he’d live long enough to make it to the next town, not when the tensions between mages and templars were at an all time high.

It turned out the rumors he had heard back in South Reach had been true. All of the Circles had apparently fallen or separated from the chantry, and now there was basically a full-blown war between the two rivaling groups. The rebel mages that had accepted King Alistair’s offer of sanctuary within the town had been chased through the Hinterlands by the rogue templars, who were apparently relentless in their hunt.

He had kept his eyes and ears open as the steady stream of mages and refugees arrived, hoping to find some sort of sign that Lily was among them, but there had been no such luck.

If she was here, would he even recognize her? Would she recognize him?

He wasn’t so sure.

Redcliffe’s sudden growth in population resulted in a high demand of food and supplies, which they didn’t have much of since most of the town’s trade had been affected. He had risked his neck every time he went out on a hunt in the area nearby despite people trying to stop him, but he had luckily made it back with a least a few rabbits and squirrels each time. The fishermen in the town had been working relentlessly and Raphael had wanted to contribute whatever he could, in one of the few ways that he knew how.

The area where the goats usually roamed was too far from the town to risk it - he had learned that the hard way when he nearly stumbled across a few templars prowling around a small clearing that had a pile of bodies in the center, so badly burnt that they had almost turned to ash in the breeze.

On his way back to the town, he had come across _more_ bodies, which were laying in large pools of blood, apparently being held together by heavy armor.

He had gotten sick just outside of the town’s gates after running away from the gruesome scenes, and nearly collapsed from panic at the thought of one of those bodies belonging to Lily.

It was then when people began to beg him not to leave the town anymore, and to instead help the fishermen catch as much fish as they could.

The whole situation terrified him, but there was a part of him that didn’t want to give up hope that she was somehow alive despite all of the destruction surrounding them. He began praying every night, not knowing if anything or anyone was hearing his pleas.

But still, he kept praying for the sister who had apparently disappeared into thin air long ago.


	19. Green

 

**_9:41 Dragon, Redcliffe_**

* * *

Raphael had thought the war was going to end when news traveled about a peace summit being called by the chantry, in an effort to stop the violence that had ravaged the lands for so long.

The area around Redcliffe had felt quiet, almost eerie when the sounds of war and death were finally gone a few days later. Peaceful wasn’t the right word - not when many bodies were still scattered throughout the lands.

Despite this, a few families had left Redcliffe, eager to go back to their own homes and farms. Others had been too frightened to even consider the idea, and Raphael had found himself agreeing with them. The familiar heaviness in his stomach had held him back from leaving, and the air around him had felt like the calm before a raging storm.

He had no idea just how right he would be a few weeks later.

The enormous shockwave of unfamiliar energy that had rumbled through the earth while somehow ripping the air apart at the same time had swept over the entire town, and possibly over all of Thedas. Everyone had rushed out of their homes, catching sight of pulsing streaks of green light slicing through the sky.

It had been nothing but chaos after that.

Raphael had tried to help out as much as he could in the few weeks that had followed, despite the overwhelming terror he felt whenever loud, booming cracks rumbled through the air. No one knew for certain what had happened, and most of the refugees who had arrived were too distraught to even speak.

Hunting so far had been out of the question, so he and a few other people did what they could with the steady supply of fish that was brought into the kitchens. He only left when someone offered to cover for him and instead of catching up on some much needed sleep, he helped the healers take care of minor injuries that he was so familiar with after years of hunting.

The little girl he was currently tending to tightened her grasp around her mother’s fingers and whimpered as he carefully cleaned the large scrape on her forearm. “I’m almost done, okay? Just a little more,” he murmured, trying to keep his voice calm despite all of the sobbing and groans of pain around him.

He took a deep breath as he gently wrapped a bandage around the little girl’s forearm, making sure the wound was perfectly covered before he looked at her. “There,” he smiled. “All done.”

The little girl relaxed slightly as she peered down at her arm, and her mother thanked him as he stood to take care of another patient who had a bleeding gash on his thigh.

Raphael had only taken a few steps when he suddenly felt an insistent tug on his trousers and looked down to find the little girl looking up at him. She merely grabbed his hand and placed something small in his palm before smiling at him, and ran back to her mother, who gave him a grateful smile.

He took a closer look at what she had given him and swallowed.

It was a dried cherry.

He had stopped praying a few nights ago. Everything around him proved no one was listening.

The urge to grieve for the sister he’d most likely never see again was overwhelming, but for some reason, the stubborn side of him held onto a sliver of naive hope.

He decided to call it a night after tending to the man’s leg and was making his way back to his room when there was a sudden commotion in the middle of the small makeshift clinic.

“The chantry is doing nothing! This _had_ to be done!”

“They’ve declared them all heretics instead of doing anything, they’re fucking incompetent - ”

“Of _course_ they are heretics, they’re harboring the Divine’s killer!”

“Those are rumors!”

“This is blasphemy! How could a _mage_ be the Herald of Andraste?”

Raphael frowned as hushed murmurs spread through the clinic.

“Who _is_ this mage, exactly?”

A red faced man held a worn piece of parchment in his shaking hands as he tried to focus.

“Stand still, damn it!”

The man pushed at another man who had tried to snatch the parchment out of his hands.

“It says here that her name is Lady Lily Trevelyan of Ostwick.”


	20. Sides

 

**_9:41 Dragon, The Hinterlands_**

* * *

There had been nothing but disagreements through all of Redcliffe in the days that had followed.

Some people took the side of the chantry, wanting justice for their Divine. Others took the side of the newly named Inquisition and its Herald once it was apparent they were taking action to stop the madness that surrounded them all.

Raphael knew what side he was going to be on the moment he had heard Lily’s name. Perhaps the relief and joy that had washed over him upon hearing the news made him a bit biased, but he never once believed that she was behind the destruction everyone was accusing her of. They may have not seen each other in _years_ , but he had known her well enough to know there was no way she could have caused something that resulted in so much violence and death.

And if there was one thing he knew about the chantry, it’s that it had quite the talent for spouting the most convincing propaganda one could ever hear. During his time in Ostwick while he had been living under the Trevelyan household, he had witnessed first hand how easily they manipulated people into agreeing with their point of view.

He had seen it in the damned chantry, and he had seen it within the family he had abandoned.

After being unable to come up with a well thought out plan to get to Haven, he eventually decided to join a group of people who seemed eager to become part of the new organization.

They had left early one morning after a few days of preparations, taking only the absolute essentials with them since they would be traveling on foot. Raphael had expected the trip to be long and difficult, especially since he had retired his old mare to a large farm and a well-deserved life of comfort on the other side of the town.

They arrived at a small village called The Crossroads later that afternoon, which had been recently placed under the protection of the Inquisition. It turned out Lily and the companions she was with had left for Haven a few days ago, after successfully fighting off the mages and templars that had rampaged through the area.

Raphael took comfort in knowing she wasn’t traveling alone, at least.

The area around the village was calm enough with the Inquisition’s soldiers keeping watch, so he and a few other people decided to hunt nearby for whatever game they could find. They made it back with a couple of rams a while later, and Raphael helped the tired hunter from the village prepare the meat for cooking while the others tried to get some rest.

He was slicing up a slab of meat for some stew when he heard a group of people speaking quietly among themselves somewhere behind him.

“…but she was the only survivor.”

“She was. Why do you think the Seeker took her as a prisoner? The girl’s lucky she wasn’t executed on the spot.”

Raphael froze.

“And yet she’s _still_ willing to help us?”

“Listen, all I know is that Mother Giselle seemed to approve of her. That’s good enough for me.”

He had known about all of the accusations that were being thrown in Lily’s way, but hearing that she was probably being held prisoner by an organization no one was very familiar with still left him uneasy.

Were they making her fight against her will? Were they threatening her life?

He took a breath as he glanced around the village, observing the many soldiers who were patrolling the area. Some were busy handing out blankets and making sure the healers had enough supplies to keep tending to the people who were sick or injured.

It was too soon to be jumping to conclusions just yet - they _were_ helping people, after all, which was more than what the chantry seemed to be doing.

He sighed as he continued his work, feeling restless at the thought of still having over a week of travel left until they reached Haven.


	21. Wisp

 

**_9:41 Dragon, The Hinterlands_**

* * *

Raphael and a few other men silently crept through the woods, holding their weapons at the ready.

They had decided to stop and make camp one afternoon in a quiet area in the woods, even though Raphael silently wished they could just keep going despite the painful protests in his feet. They had been traveling for a few days now and they still had quite a long stretch of road to cover before reaching the Imperial Highway, let alone Haven.

Needless to say, he missed his mare, but at least she was happy and surrounded by all the apples she could possibly eat.

One of the men waved at him, trying to get his attention and pointed in the direction of a stream in the far distance.

A red ram was grazing in a small clearing close to the water.

Raphael hesitated. It would take a while to prepare and cook all the meat, and they needed to be ready to pick up and leave at a moment’s notice. But then again, they also needed to preserve the rations they had as much as they could.

He sighed at the man’s hopeful expression and gave a small nod before stepping a bit further ahead, taking a moment to scan the ram’s surroundings. After making sure the area was free from any traveling refugees, he drew back his bow and sent an arrow flying straight into the ram’s side.

He was about to step forward when there was a sudden _boom_ where the ram had fallen, and the other hunters were at his side in an instant.

Wisps of smoke rose from the ground in the distance, growing thicker as the seconds went by.

Raphael frowned. Did he somehow get an exploding arrow in his quiver?

Whatever confusion he had felt turned into terror when an enormous blob of molten rock rose up from the ground with a screeching roar. The light vegetation around it caught fire as it slid along the grass, apparently looking for whatever had dared to poke it with what was essentially a toothpick.

“What the fuck is that thing?” Raphael breathed, not being able to take his eyes off of it.

The men next to him appeared frozen with fear. “I - I think it’s a - ”

“ _DEMON!_ ”

A bellowing templar charged out from behind a jagged cliffside with a sword held high in the air, right towards the creature who roared back in return. A few more templars appeared as they ran to join the battle, and Raphael gaped at the unfolding scene in the distance for a moment before he recovered enough to speak.

“So… who’s up for living on rations until we get to Haven?”

The men nodded silently, still watching in horror before Raphael quietly urged them back to the camp to pack up and leave.

If that demon ram had proven anything to them, it was that the Hinterlands weren’t as safe as they had previously thought they were.


	22. War

 

**_9:41 Dragon, The Imperial Highway_ **

* * *

The brisk pace they had planned on keeping until they reached Haven had turned into a slow crawl through the woods.

Well, at least that’s what it felt like for Raphael.

He and his group were forced to take their time through the woods to steer clear of any mages or templars, and none of them had dared to hunt even a rabbit after the disaster from a few days ago.

In a way, that demon ram had been a blessing in disguise - it made them realize they had unknowingly left the area that was under the Inquisition’s protection, and that they needed to start being on their guard at all times.

They hadn’t realized just how brutal the renewed mage-templar war was. Not a day had gone by where they didn’t come across bodies burned beyond recognition or beaten to a bloody pulp, but they all continued to press on, only stopping to rest for a few hours in secluded areas that were mostly hidden from view.

Raphael had kept watch every time. He hadn’t dared to sleep - his loud snoring would have acted like a beacon to any possible threats in the area.

It wasn’t until the people he was traveling with kept insisting he sleep for a few hours that he finally gave in, but only because they had been settled in a cave with a waterfall nearby that was loud enough to cover up any noise he could have possibly made.

They tried to extend their rations as much as they could. It had been hard to have any kind of appetite after the horrors they kept coming across, but they forced themselves to eat a few nuts or a small piece of dry bread whenever the hollow feeling in their stomachs turned painful enough to keep them awake.

It was the same pain Raphael tried to ignore as he peered out through some thick branches, finally spotting the stone arches that belonged to the Imperial Highway in the distance.

He hopped down from the tree, almost falling flat on his ass when he was unable to maintain his balance as he landed.

They _really_ needed to find more food soon - he wasn’t sure how much longer they’d be able to keep moving without it.

He breathed heavily as he pointed the group towards the direction they needed to go in. They stuck to the cover of the thick trees around them as they silently crept forward, keeping their eyes and ears open for _any_ noise, for any indication that there was anything or anyone nearby.

They were nearing the edge of the woods when Raphael suddenly smelled it.

The sickening scent of blood hung in the air, and several yards ahead of them, was the body of what appeared to be a templar crushed by an enormous boulder, surrounded by a large pool of blood.

“This was recent,” whispered a woman next to him. “Whoever did that could still be around.”

“I don’t hear anything, though,” said a man as he carefully walked forward.

The air around them was eerily silent, enough so that it made the hair on the back of Raphael’s neck stand on end. He tightened his grip on his bow, ready to fire an arrow at anything that might possibly jump out at them.

They slowly stepped out of the woods and into the sun, relaxing slightly when no one appeared to be around and carefully made their way towards the highway.

Many carts and crates of supplies were scattered along the stone floor, most of them completely torn apart. His eyes followed the trail of broken wood and his stomach plummeted to his feet when he spotted a single templar on the other side of the highway.

The heavily armored man yanked a sword out of a lifeless mage that was sprawled on the ground before hesitating and turning his gaze in their direction.

 _Shit_.

Bits of sunlight reflected off the blade that was still dripping with blood as he stepped over the many bodies surrounding him. He began to slowly walk towards them, his steps quickly turning into a full charge as he released a roar of fury.

_SHIT SHIT SHIT_

The terrified shouts of the people around him snapped him out of the panic that had frozen him in place, and he didn’t even hesitate as he drew his bow and sent an arrow flying straight at the head of the charging templar.

The arrow merely sliced through the man’s cheek just as he swung his sword at two men who tried to run away. They collapsed on the floor with a garbled gasp, unmoving, as blood poured out of the deep gashes on their backs.

Raphael stared at the fallen men in horror as the templar turned to him. He barely had enough time to block the blow of his sword with his bow, the force of it sending them both tumbling to the floor.

There was nothing but rage of the templars bloodied face as he pressed his sword and weight onto Raphael’s bow. It began to splinter as he pushed back with all the strength he had, his arms screaming in pain as he struggled to keep the blade at bay. The weight briefly lightened before a sudden heavy blow struck the side of his face.

He barely registered the shouts around him as the taste of blood filled his mouth.

 _This is it,_ he thought. _There’s no way I can get out of this one. Of course this would happen just as I was so close to finding the only family I have left…_

His eyes flew open when he heard a sickening squelch above him.

Someone had stabbed a hunting knife into the templar’s neck. Blood spurted out of the wound and onto Raphael’s coat as the blade was yanked out, and many hands shoved at the heavy body before it collapsed on top of him.

The same eerie silence from before settled around them, the only sounds being their heavy breathing and muffled sobs as they looked back at the two hunters they had lost.


	23. Lily

 

**_9:41 Dragon, Haven_ **

* * *

The sight of a large chantry accompanied by the smoke of many campfires greeted them a week later.

Whatever worry Raphael had about stepping foot on the main road that led to the small town called Haven flew out of his mind as he tried to hurry down the steep hill they had been trudging on for the last hour. He barely caught himself from falling face first into the heavy snow once he reached the bottom, and a nug squeaked in surprise before it ran away into the trees.

He breathed heavily as the other exhausted hunters joined him.

“Maker,” one of them murmured. “We fucking did it.”

“Let’s not declare victory just yet, yeah?” someone replied. “With our luck, we’ll probably get attacked by a demon nug just as we’re about to get there.”

They had been about to argue among themselves when Raphael spoke. “It’s safe here. They wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.”

Even though Raphael was eager to run the rest of the way to the town, the exhaustion that seemed to have settled deep into his bones forced him to settle for a somewhat brisk pace. Anything faster than that, and he’d risk collapsing onto the freezing ground.

The rest of the group wasn’t faring any better - weeks without decent sleep and proper nourishment had left them all very weak, and their clothes were significantly looser than when they had first left Redcliffe.

“This inquisition better be worth it,” murmured a woman behind him. “We better not have lost two good men for nothing.”

Silence settled over the group as they continued to walk the rest of the way.

Leaving the two hunters among all the carnage and right next to their killer had not been an option. They had struggled to carry their bodies off of the highway and into the woods, but they had found comfort in knowing that the two men were now resting where they belonged, surrounded by trees and soft earth.

No one had mentioned them again until now.

They hesitated when they heard the distinct sounds of shouting and  clashing metal, only relaxing when they realized the noise came from a large group of soldiers who were apparently sparring. A blond man clad in heavy armor and a fur cloak observed their every move, shouting out orders whenever someone made a mistake.

Raphael slowed to a halt as his gaze slid to the sky, vaguely aware of the hushed curses and gasps from the people around him.

An enormous rip in the atmosphere seemed to be swirling into itself, sending out unnatural flashes of green light streaking through the blue sky.

He had heard vivid descriptions and wild stories, but it was nothing compared to actually seeing the breach in person.

His heart began to pound in his chest at the intrusive sight. Where was Lily?

“...more refugees!”

“Are you all arriving from Redcliffe as well?”

Raphael turned to find a dark haired woman with cropped hair walking up to them, along with a few soldiers on either side of her. There was an air of authority around her, and he assumed she was one of the people who was in charge of the town.

Her sharp features softened as she spoke to one of the hunters in the group. She took a moment to survey them one by one, jotting down a few notes on a clipboard before finally turning to look up at him.

Raphael tensed when she frowned at him, her hazel eyes narrowing slightly for a moment before she wrote down some more notes. She looked as if she was about to ask him something when another soldier ran up to her. “Seeker Pentaghast, the Commander needs help with one of the soldiers - ”

Raphael narrowed his eyes at her as she sighed.

“Jim?”

The soldier nodded and saluted when she dismissed him with a nod.

So _she_ was the one who had kept Lily prisoner.

“Please show them to the apothecary and the clinic,” she said to the soldier next to her before turning back to face them. “Our healer Adan is still expecting some supplies, but please make yourselves comfortable - he will be able to tend to your injuries soon enough.”

She glanced up at Raphael again with the same inquisitive look in her eyes before walking towards the group of training soldiers.

The town was tense but somehow homey as the soldier led them to some small cabins. He stepped inside one of them to hand over the Seeker’s notes to someone and then led them inside a cabin filled with many cots.

The warmth of the fireplace instantly enveloped Raphael and he was seriously tempted to just lay down and sleep. He took a seat on one of the cots on the far end on the cabin, nearly overcome with exhaustion and shook his head when one of the hunters asked him if he wanted to join them in the tavern.

It wasn’t until his eyes snapped open a little while later that he realized he had fallen asleep. He clambered up from the cot, leaving his bag behind and stepped out of the clinic.

He hadn’t heard any mention of Lily yet, and he had no idea what he would even say to her.

Would she even want to talk to him after not hearing from him for so long?

Unsure of what to do, he glanced towards the chantry, only to do a double-take when he spotted a young woman walking out of it.

There was something familiar about her as she looked up at the sky, and it wasn’t until he heard someone greet her as “Herald” that it suddenly dawned on him. He shouted her name before he could stop himself, watching as she hesitated mid-step and he found himself stumbling towards her as she turned towards his direction.

He slowed to a stop as she looked up at him warily.

She was the spitting image of his Aunt Edith.

Her mother.

“Are you one of the refugees who arrived earlier? Are you hurt?” She took a step closer as she took in his disheveled appearance and froze in place before looking up at him with wide eyes.

He smiled at her, joy overcoming whatever exhaustion he had been feeling as he looked back at her.

“Lily.”

 

* * *

_HE DID IT GUYS :D_

_I won’t be writing about the conversation that follows since I already wrote about it in Reunions, which you can read[here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13810932) if interested. :)_


	24. Trust

 

**_9:41 Dragon, Haven_ **

* * *

The rumor of another Trevelyan quickly spread throughout the whole town.

Raphael supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised, especially since a pair of nosy chantry sisters had overheard the first conversation he’s had with Lily in eighteen years.

It almost didn’t feel real. After so many years of being on his own, he finally managed to find his little cousin. The one he had always thought of as his own sister.

He had sensed she wasn’t telling him the whole truth when she told him she was okay, and he hadn’t expected her to. He doubted anyone would be fine if they had the same heavy weight on their shoulders that she was currently carrying.

Her wan complexion and subdued demeanor worried him. It was a stark contrast as to how he remembered her when they were kids, but he also understood that so much had changed since then. No one would be the same after everything they themselves have gone through, not after losing so much.

Maker knew he had also changed as time had passed.

The thought of her possibly still being a prisoner was quickly banished when he noticed the soldiers treated her with respect and obeyed the orders she gave them, one of which being for everyone to leave him alone while he recovered in the clinic. She had insisted he rest for at least a month, but he managed to compromise his way down to a week.

Unfortunately for him, the week was already up, and that meant meeting with the people who led the Inquisition.

“Is this really necessary?” he whispered to Lily as they walked down the grand hall of the chantry, towards what was known as the war room.

“I’m afraid so,” Lily sighed. “They’re curious about you, especially after I said I wasn’t close to anyone from the Trevelyan family tree.” She hesitated before looking up at him. “I’m sorry.”

Raphael shook his head, dismissing her words. “Let’s not apologize for things that were beyond our control, okay?”

She sighed as she gave a small nod. “I just wish those chantry people hadn’t been eavesdropping, like always. This probably could have been avoided if it weren’t for them.”

He thought back to how the Seeker had looked at him when he and his group arrived in the town. “I doubt it. They would have eventually figured out we’re related, especially since we look alike.”

Lily released a quiet chuckle. “I guess you’re right.”

She pushed open the heavy wooden door, and Raphael followed her inside.

The four people looking back at him made him freeze. He felt as if he was being scrutinized, caught by the watchful eyes he had tried so hard to escape since he was in Ostwick. He watched as their eyes flickered back and forth between him and Lily.

“Uncanny,” said a noblewoman dressed in golden ruffles. She looked down at her clipboard before writing something down. “It appears you were right, Cassandra.”

The Seeker huffed out a sigh as the woman with the clipboard proceeded to introduce herself, along with the other people in the room. The man known as Cullen gave him a polite but tense smile, and the woman known as Leliana seemed to be watching his every move with an expression that was hard to read.

Cassandra, on the other hand, didn’t bother hiding her wariness as she crossed her arms in front of her chest and narrowed her eyes at him. “Let us get to the point of this meeting.”

Here we go.

“The Herald had previously stated she has no close ties to her family. What exactly brings you here? After everything she has told us about the Trevelyan clan, why should we trust _you?_ ”

Raphael narrowed his eyes as he sensed Lily shift uncomfortably next to him. “Are you really asking _me_ that? Weren’t you the one who had her chained in this chantry’s dungeon?”

“ _Enough_ , both of you,” sighed Lily, nudging him with her elbow. “We came here to talk, not to argue and throw accusations around.”

Josephine cleared her throat as she turned to Raphael. “Surely, my Lord, you must understand our need to ask.”

“I’m not a Lord.”

“I’m sorry?” Cullen furrowed his brows in confusion.

Raphael looked at him for a moment before turning his gaze away with a sigh. The last thing he wanted was to tell them anything about himself or his past, especially to Josephine and the woman who wouldn’t stop looking at him with suspicion, but it looked like they wouldn’t be satisfied until they got something out of him.

“I renounced my title years ago. As far as the rest of the Trevelyans are concerned, I’m as good as dead.”

They all looked at him with surprise, with the exception of Leliana, who was staring at him with curiosity. “May I ask what exactly led you to making that decision?”

Raphael met her cool gaze with his own, about to snap that Lily already knew his reasons, and that he didn’t need to explain them to anyone else, but he hesitated when he glanced down at her and saw her worried expression.

“It’s up to you,” she said quietly.

She was giving him the choice of whether or not to list the many reasons he had left his awful family, to voice the many things he had tried to keep buried throughout the years to a room full of strangers, and he found himself unable to do it.

At least for the moment.

“I can assure you all that my reasons for leaving Ostwick are sound. Lily knows about every single one of them.”

Lily shifted next to him. “As for what I said about me not being close to anyone in my family, it turns out it was all a misunderstanding that they themselves created when I was taken to the circle, and when my mother and father passed away.” She looked up from the map, her face hard. “So as you can all imagine, our family isn’t a very pleasant topic for us.”


	25. Book

 

**_9:41 Dragon, Haven_ **

* * *

Haven had been a flurry of activity the moment Lily and her companions got back from Redcliffe.

Raphael had spent the day helping Flissa in the tavern when the newly recruited mages had arrived that afternoon, and it wasn’t until late in the evening when a soldier told him that Lily wanted to see him.

He had been on edge since she had left a few weeks prior, despite her assurances that they would be fine. After everything he had seen while slowly making his way through the Hinterlands, how couldn’t he be?

His concern only grew when he saw a few healers leaving her cabin and he jogged up to her open door, knocking briefly before stepping inside.

Lily was sitting up in bed, with her blankets pushed to the side. “Hey,” she smiled.

He hesitated upon seeing the distant, almost haunted look on her face. She was paler than the last time he had seen her, and if the dark circles around her eyes were anything to go by, she hadn’t been sleeping much.

He smiled back at her despite the concern settling in his stomach and moved to sit on the edge of her bed. “How are you feeling?”

Lily gave a small shrug. “A little beat up. The healers say I’m fine, though. They just want me to take it easy for a bit.”

Raphael turned his gaze to the floor, thinking back to how Lily had insisted he stay in Haven when he asked if he could accompany her. He knew she could look out for herself, but he also wanted to be there to help in whatever way that he could.

He shook his head slightly. Now wasn’t the time for him to be feeling sorry for himself.

Instead, he looked back at her with a teasing grin. “I _really_ hope you’ll listen to them this time.”

“I will,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Have you -  what is it?”

Raphael gestured at the tray of food on her desk, which was completely untouched. “You didn’t eat?”

Lily looked away from the direction he was referring to, almost as if she couldn’t bring herself to even look at the tray. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It’s hard to keep anything down whenever I get back from a mission,” she said quietly.

The weight in Raphael’s stomach grew heavier as he remembered a few instances from when they were kids, when she had felt nauseous or gotten sick after being in stressful situations that had been usually caused by Catherine.

The only thing that had helped was the mint tea her mother regularly made for her.

“Don’t worry, I’m working on it.” She looked at him as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. “The advisors have been helping me.”

He looked up at her, surprised. “They have?”

Lily nodded as she looked down at her lap. “They make sure I have what I need and look after me even though they shouldn’t be. Cassandra has actually been the most persistent,” she said with a small laugh, hesitating before looking up at him. “She may be blunt and… a little aggressive, but she has also been determined to get to the bottom of everything that has happened since the Conclave _and_ continues to try even though the chantry does its damned best to interfere each time. Considering our family’s history with them… well, I’m sure you can imagine how difficult that must be.”

Raphael looked away with a sigh. Lily’s message wasn’t lost on him, and he knew she was right. He had begun to feel guilty for speaking to Cassandra the way that he did in the weeks that had followed. He was still surprised that she had ultimately respected his reluctance to talk about the people he had left behind, even though it made sense for her to want to question him after everything Lily had told her about their family.

The chantry was most likely going to try to make everyone’s job even harder now that _he_ had arrived - the least he could do was to cooperate.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Lily gave him a small smile. “That’s all I ask.”

There was a beat of silence before Raphael remembered the small bear he had picked up from his room as he had made his way to Lily’s cabin.

“I brought you something,” he said, reaching into his coat pocket. He pulled out the old bear, smiling as he saw Lily’s eyes widen in recognition.

“ _Floofy_.” She held the bear carefully in her hands and smiled as her eyes welled with tears. “Where did you find him?”

Raphael hesitated. “Your old house. I - it was after…”

Lily looked at him for a moment as if she suddenly remembered something and wiped her eyes with her sleeve before reaching over to open the drawer to her nightstand. She pulled out a worn, leather bound book and held it out to him.

His throat tightened as he recognized his uncle’s favorite poetry book, the very same book he had sometimes read to them when it had been getting close to their bedtime. He thumbed through a few of the pages.

There were notes scribbled along the margins in his uncle’s script.

“They sent it to me, along with this,” Lily’s voice wavered as she pulled out his aunt’s locket from under the collar of her sweater. “They were the only things I was allowed to keep from them.”

Raphael’s eyes filled with tears as he looked away. If he _ever_ saw Ediam again, the first thing he would do was to break his fucking nose. Thanks to that man, his aunt and uncle were gone, and Raphael had unknowingly left Lily behind when she had been in Ostwick’s Circle all along.

“I’m so sorry, Lily.”

She shook her head. “Let’s not apologize for things that were beyond our control.”

He smiled at her quoting the same thing he said to her weeks ago, and took another look at his uncle’s writing before he tried to hand it back to her.

She shook her head again and pushed it back towards him.

“But your father gave this to you. Are you sure - ”

“He was your father, too.” Lily said quietly, as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sure he would want you to have it.”

“I - ” Raphael’s vision blurred as he looked at the book in his hands, finding himself unable to speak.

Lily seemed to understand as she wrapped her arms around him, and it was only then when Raphael finally allowed his tears to fall freely after so many years.


	26. Choice

 

**_9:41 Dragon, Haven_**

* * *

>   _The sun does arise,_  
>  _And make happy the skies._  
>  _The merry bells ring_  
>  _To welcome the Spring._  
>  _The sky-lark and thrush,_  
>  _The birds of the bush,_  
>  _Sing louder around,_  
>  _To the bells cheerful sound._

Raphael squinted his eyes as he tried to make out his uncle’s writing on the margin, right next to the poem. 

> _...just like Raphael’s nameday last week._

He sighed as he took another sip of ale.

It had been a few hours since he had left Lily’s cabin so she could rest, and instead of turning in for the night, he had taken refuge in the empty tavern with the book she had given him.

He had willed himself to keep it together whenever he was around her, but in the end everything had been too much to bear. He had fallen apart in front of her, and she had cried with him as they both mourned for all they had lost.

The feeling he was left with afterwards was strange. He felt lighter, somehow, as if a weight had been slightly lifted from him and he couldn’t remember if he had ever felt anything like it.

Perhaps it was something he and Lily had both needed. He only hoped the weight she was carrying was also lessened.

He vaguely heard a few people step into the tavern but didn’t bother looking up as he got ready to turn another page.

“May I join you?”

Raphael jerked in his seat with surprise when he heard one of the voices near him, and he looked up to find Cassandra in front of him, with an unsure expression on her face. He hesitated before lowering his legs from the bench so he could sit properly and nodded.

She looked at him for a moment before she sat down next to him. “I am afraid we got off to a bad start.”

“I guess we did,” he sighed. Her nobility was something he had recently heard about, and even though she didn’t seem to care much about her own title, he was still wary at having her near him. Especially after their rocky start.

But... if she was willing to make an effort, then it was only fair to meet her halfway.

He took a breath and looked at her. “I’m sorry about what I said before. It was uncalled for.”

A hint of surprise appeared on her face. “I - I wanted to apologize to you as well. It was unfair of me to judge you so harshly.”  

Raphael briefly tensed in his seat before he willed himself to relax. “I’m guessing Leliana has thoroughly investigated me?” he asked, raising a brow. He chuckled softly when she gave him a slight frown and shrugged off her apology despite being tired of living under the family’s reputation. “I understand. Trevelyans aren’t exactly known for being warm and cuddly.”

“You and your cousin don’t seem to fit under your clan’s character,” she remarked.

He had been about to take another sip of his ale when her comment caught him off guard, and he stared at her in amusement. “Is that your way of saying you think we’re warm and cuddly?”

A blush seemed to color her cheeks despite the dim lighting in the tavern. “Of course not! I only meant - ”

He shook his head slightly, wanting to kick himself for his dumb comment. “I’m joking.”

She released an annoyed huff and he tried to hide his smile by taking a drink out of his tankard.

“Well,” began Cassandra, “Leliana _has_ collected a rather frightening amount of information on you.”

Raphael sighed. _Of course she has._

“But when I said I would respect your choice, I meant it,” she continued, her voice firm. “If I’m going to learn anything about you, I would rather hear it from _you_ , if you so choose and not some report.”

There was nothing but direct honesty in her expression as Raphael looked back at her, not really knowing what to say. There haven’t been many people who bothered to respect his decisions, and yet here was Cassandra, the woman he had seen as a possible adversary, doing just that.

She had left the choice up to him, and didn’t try to pressure him into sharing anything he wasn’t willing.

He thought back to what Lily had said to him earlier that evening.

Perhaps he wouldn’t tell her _everything_ just yet, but he was willing to share whatever could make the Inquisition’s work easier.

“Okay,” he said, nodding slowly. “What do you want to know?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem excerpt here is from “The Ecchoing Green” by William Blake.


	27. Search

 

**_9:41 Dragon, The Frostback Mountains_  
**

* * *

Icy dread settled in Raphael’s chest as he stared at Cassandra. “You… you left her behind?”

She was pale, her eyes distant as she swallowed. “We thought… we thought she was right behind us,” she whispered.

He froze at her words.

They were the same words Lily had said to him while they had been arguing in the chantry, when she was urging him to go help people escape through a hidden path despite his protests at the idea of her staying behind. She had pushed him towards the large group who was preparing to leave and tried to reassure him when he looked back at her.

_I’ll be right behind you._

He closed his eyes as he fought back against the overwhelming fear and panic that threatened to envelop him.

_Damn it, Lily._

Cassandra looked as if she was about to say something else, but judging from the guilt that was all over her face, Raphael decided to beat her to it.

“She never thought she’d make it out alive,” he said quietly, his voice wavering. “Her priority was to save everyone else.” He scanned the distraught faces around him, trying to tune out the wails of grief and pain.

The dread he felt quickly turned into rage. How was it that someone could have _everything_ taken from them at such a young age, lost everything they have ever known, only to receive nothing but a violent end?  

The last image he had was of her stepping out of the chantry with her companions, raising a fist in the air before unleashing an enormous, fiery explosion among the charging red templars as the soldiers struggled to close the chantry doors.

 _No_ , he thought firmly. _She can’t be dead - she’s made it through so much, of course she’d make it through this._

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and grabbed the new bow Lily had given him from a nearby table before moving to walk back in the direction they had came from.

Cassandra grabbed his arm. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to go look for her,” he snapped, shrugging out of her grasp.

“Wait, Cullen is organizing a few men - ”

Raphael whirled around. “Cassandra, she’s the only family I have left, and I am _not_ abandoning her again.”

“I am not telling you to stay,” Cassandra retorted, her face hard. “I am simply asking you to wait for us.”

She looked back to where Cullen and a few soldiers were quickly approaching them. Their faces were ashen and haunted, but Cullen’s more so as he looked down at his hand, where Lily’s locket rested.

Raphael swallowed as he looked back up at Cullen’s torn, exhausted expression. It was then when something he had briefly suspected in the past finally clicked into place.

“We need to hurry,” Raphael told him, only turning back towards the path once Cullen gave him a firm nod.


	28. Cocoon

 

**_9:41 Dragon, The Frostback Mountains_ **

* * *

The icy winds calmed as they trudged through the thick snow. It still  whipped at their faces painfully and pushed back against them, but they still tried to hurry on, determined to find the woman who had apparently decided to sacrifice her life for all of theirs.

Raphael had found himself getting more distraught the longer they walked, but luckily, Cassandra had come up with a plan the moment they had left their camp. Needless to say, he was thankful for her ability to keep a clear head when he wasn’t able to.

He and Cullen followed her lead as they made their way back to their last abandoned campfire, scanning the snow around them, looking for any track, for any sign that Lily was somehow close by.

The snow appeared to be completely untouched. Whatever tracks they had left as they traveled down the valley must have been erased by the wind and falling snow.

How would Lily find them if there were no tracks to follow?

Raphael shook his head, pushing the thought away as he continued to follow Cassandra up a steep incline, and into a large clearing. The flickering torches the soldiers were carrying barely illuminated the area they had last camped in. He squinted his eyes against the wind as he looked around, and froze when he spotted a dark heap half buried in the snow, some distance away from a campfire that had long since burned out.

He bounded towards it.

Shouts came from behind him as he collapsed next to an unnervingly still body that was wearing the exact same armor Lily had been wearing earlier that day.

_No._

He placed his hand on freezing metal and leather and carefully turned the body over, only to be greeted by the sight of Lily’s bloodied face as the light from many torches surrounded them. A long gash trailed over her left eye and down her cheek, the blood long since dried. She was frighteningly pale, and her lips were blue.

Cullen collapsed next to her, his expression fierce and frantic as he yanked off his leather glove with his teeth. His hands shook as he fumbled around Lily’s neck and Raphael didn’t realize he had stopped breathing until Cullen spoke.

“She’s alive,” he breathed.

“Get her out of the snow,” urged Raphael, his voice wavering as he unfastened his cloak. His whole body was shaking and he didn’t trust himself to carry her without accidentally dropping her.

They raced back towards their camp with Lily in Cullen’s arms, cocooned in red and black cloaks as Cassandra shouted out orders to the soldiers around them.


	29. Twins

 

**_9:41 Dragon, Skyhold_ **

* * *

“Have you _lost_ your damned mind?” Lily snapped.

Raphael sighed. He had known she wasn’t going to be open to the idea, but that still hadn’t been enough to stop him from telling her about his plan to train so he could accompany her during missions.

He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned as he looked down at her.

“They’re like twinsies, yeah?”

They both looked over to find Sera, Varric and Cassandra watching them with amusement near the tavern.

Varric grinned as he looked at Lily. “I’ve never seen Pebbles lose her temper like that before.”

Raphael fought back a laugh as he thought back to the arguments he used to have with her when they were kids. He was glad to see the familiar spark emerge from her usual subdued demeanor, even though it was currently directed towards him.

He quickly sobered when he noticed Lily glaring at him. “Lily, I’ll be fine. I’ve been on my own for _years_ \- I can do this.”

The new scar over her left eye wrinkled slightly as she narrowed her eyes at him. “We’re at _war_ , Raphael. There are _demons_ falling out of rifts, not to mention Corypheus and his stupid, possible archdemon - ”

“All the more reason to learn,” said Raphael firmly. “You said so yourself - things are unpredictable, and we can be attacked at any moment. Knowing how to protect myself properly can’t hurt.”

He didn’t want to admit to her that part of the reason was because he had sat on his ass for so long, when instead he should have tried harder to figure out where she was, or when he could have fought with her and everyone else to try to defend Haven.

 _Especially_ when she had almost died trying.

She was his family. Now that he had a chance to help her in any way that he could, he was going to take it.

“He has a point, Pebbles.”

Lily shot Varric a stern look before turning her gaze to the ground with a sigh. “You didn’t leave Ostwick for your freedom only to put yourself in danger and possibly get killed.”

Raphael raised a brow. “Who says I’m going to get killed? I’ve made it _this_ far, haven’t I?”

“ _Again_ , we’re at - ”

“Inquisitor - ” interjected Cassandra, as she walked closer.

“ _Lily_.”

Cassandra looked at her for a moment and sighed. “Raphael is right. Aside from learning for his own protection, he also has a right to pledge himself to your cause. He would be in good hands - Varric and Sera have both demonstrated their superb skill in archery, and Cullen and I can help him as well.”

Raphael looked at her, surprised. The odd feeling that had settled in his stomach when she had said his name was quickly replaced with a slight sense of dread. “W - with you, too?”

Cassandra nodded. “It’s important for you to learn how to fight in close combat as well.”

Lily’s expression held nothing but worry as she looked up at him. Before he got a chance to reassure her, Sera skipped over and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Don’t worry, Inky! We’ll take good care of him,” she said, shooting a mischievous grin at him.

The dread Raphael had been feeling grew.

Varric nudged Lily’s arm, giving her an encouraging shrug when she looked down at him.

“Fine,” she sighed. “But under one condition - I get to design your armor with Harritt.”

“But - ”

Lily raised her brow. “No armor, no missions.”

“Alright,” Raphael conceded with a sigh. “But I don’t want a helmet.”

She narrowed her eyes at him.

“It’ll mess with my line of sight,” he explained. “How am I going to shoot properly if I have metal wrapped around my head?”

Lily hesitated before giving him a nod. “Okay then, hood it is.” She turned and strode towards the steps leading to the main hall before he could protest.

“It seems your little cousin has spoken,” Varric grinned.

Cassandra seemed to be fighting back a smile as she looked up at Raphael. “We can arrange a few training sessions later this week, once you get settled.”

Raphael nodded. He wasn’t sure what he just got himself into, but he would see it through.


	30. Sky

 

**_9:41 Dragon, Skyhold_  
**

* * *

Raphael was stretched out on his back, staring at the blue sky as he tried to catch the air that had been pushed out from of his lungs.

He had been training for a few weeks now with Varric and Sera, and even took part in Cullen’s drills every morning. While his strength and endurance were definitely improving, nothing could have prepared him for his sparring sessions with Cassandra.

The woman _always_ managed to knock him down at least once, no matter what he did.

She tapped the side of his boot with her practice sword. “Again.”

He merely looked at her and puffed out his cheeks as he released a long breath. His body felt as if he had gone a round with a druffalo and she wasn’t even using a shield.

“Get up,” she ordered, lightly poking at his side.

He batted her sword away. “Alright, alright.”

Varric and Sera cheered from across the courtyard as Raphael moved to get up, and he rolled his eyes at their commotion. They had insisted in watching his sessions with the excuse of “wanting to see their student put what he had learned to good use.”

He was covered in dirt and sweat while Cassandra was barely even out of breath.

She and Cullen had been trying to train him with daggers for the past few days so he wouldn’t rely solely on his bow, and it was definitely a work in progress. The blades where a lot larger than the hunting knife he was so used to carrying around with him, and they felt clumsy in his hands.

He adjusted his grip on them as he assumed the stance she had taught him.

“Remember what Sera taught you,” she said, as she took on her own stance in front of him. “Use your speed to your advantage.”

He frowned. She’s never seen him practice with Sera, how did she -

The blue sky greeted him when Cassandra had him flat on his back in less than two seconds. _Again_.

“Come on, Raffy! You’re making us look bad!” shouted Sera, as she threw a kernel of popcorn at him.

He barely heard her shout as he stared up at Cassandra, who was smirking down at him. She lifted her knee from his chest before helping him up.

“Do not let them distract you,” she told him, as she surveyed his form.

He blushed when she reached up to adjust his shoulders and back, making his arms take on the appropriate positions.

She stepped back and nodded in approval. “Raise your blades higher - good.”

He felt steadier somehow as they began to circle each other, and when she dove out of the way of one of his blows, he managed to maintain his balance as he immediately pivoted just in time to parry her sword with his daggers.

Muscles he didn’t even know he had screamed in pain at the force, but that wasn’t the reason why he was finding it hard to breathe as he looked down at her. She exhaled slowly as she scanned his face before she tensed, preparing to make her next move.

He dodged her attack and tried to disarm her with a move Sera had previously taught him, only for him to stumble backwards when Cassandra’s elbow swiftly made contact with his nose.

His eyes watered. “Ow.”

“You sure you don’t want a helmet, Shrike?” Varric called out with a chuckle as Sera doubled over in laughter. “I think Pebbles is still in the undercroft, I could let her know.”

Raphael shot him a look as he turned towards Cassandra and resumed his stance once more. “Again.”


	31. Apple

 

**_9:41 Dragon, Redcliffe_ **

* * *

Raphael had been surprised when Lily didn’t put up much of a fight when he asked if he could accompany her on her trip to Redcliffe.

It wasn’t until she told him she had enchanted his new armor for extra protection that he understood why. She had raised a brow at his flat expression, almost as if daring him to argue with her decision.

_What? You never said I couldn’t do that._

He could hardly complain. The armor was comfortable, despite being made of thick leather with a few metal pieces covering the vulnerable parts of his body. It gave him excellent protection, while still allowing him the free range of movement he was so used to having.

The new bladed bow she had also given him, however, had taken some getting used to even though he trained regularly with Sera and Varric.

The town seemed to be in much better spirits when they arrived,  compared to the last time he had been here and he felt comfortable enough to go off on his own to visit an old friend for a few minutes while everyone else went about their own errands.

He walked along the dirt path that was right next to a farm’s large corral, with an apple in hand.

A familiar mare with a brilliant, shiny coat quickly trotted over to him the moment she spotted him. He grinned as she snorted softly at him once she was close enough to sniff at him.

He stroked her mane as he held out the apple for her. “Hey, buddy.”

She looked very happy and healthy, and he was glad to see she was being well-taken care of. It seemed he made the right call in leaving her with the farmer and his family.

He kissed the side of her snout as she ate, and was talking to her quietly, telling her all that had happened in the last few months when he suddenly heard a familiar voice behind him. He jumped slightly and blushed when he saw Cassandra watching him with an amused smile.

“I assume you and this horse know each other?”

“We used to travel together,” he explained as he turned back to his mare and stroked her mane. He hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “She was with me when I left Ostwick.”

There was a beat of silence before he reached into his armored coat and pulled out another apple. “Do you want to meet her?”

Cassandra seemed to hesitate before walking over to him, and he gave her the apple so she could feed it to the mare who was eagerly sniffing at it.

“What’s her name?” she asked, as the horse began munching on the fruit in her hand.

Raphael sighed. “I’m… ashamed to say I never gave her one.” His mare definitely deserved better than the life on the run he had given her. He had taken her away from her home years ago, accompanied him during his travels through all of Ferelden, and he never even thought about giving her a worthy name.

But, at least she seemed very happy with her new life.

He cleared his throat. “Although I hear the farmer’s children call her ‘Cookie.’”

“A worthy name,” Cassandra laughed, as she gently ran a hand along the horse’s mane.

Cookie finished the apple in a few bites and licked Cassandra’s palm.

“She likes you,” Raphael grinned.

“I’m sure that has to do with me giving her an apple.”

“No, she just happens to be a very good judge of character,” he replied, before looking down at her with a sheepish expression. “Much better than her previous owner, huh?”

Cassandra seemed to understand his meaning as she looked up at him. “It is definitely a trait we could all benefit from having.”

They looked at each other for a moment before Varric’s voice came from behind them.

“You guys ready?” he asked, a small smirk on his face. “Pebbles is waiting for you two.”

Raphael gave him a nod as Cassandra started to make her way towards the path. He turned to his old trusted mare, and pressed his face against her cheek. He quietly thanked her for everything she had done for him and gave her another kiss before promising to visit her again soon.

He was surprised to see Cassandra waiting for him as he turned to leave and instead of her teasing him like he was expecting her to, a smile tugged at her lips as she looked at him.

“Ready?” she asked.

He smiled back at her and nodded as he moved to walk by her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all enjoyed following my son on his journey <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Drops of Satina](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399140) by [Kagetsukai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kagetsukai/pseuds/Kagetsukai)




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